despite meeting up with the cool kids down the way and bringing a crew back to my house just to chill out and reminisce and then falling asleep and waking back up again and falling asleep again the next day i entered a very dark frame of mind following this incident.
as a devout anarchist it shook me to the core that a situation that might be termed true anarchy could be so wholly disgusting. even my attempt to impose a simple capitalist system had failed... a turn of events that could say a lot about how this society is structured.
quite simply i fell under the hoof of an angry mob... the prevention of which is one of the reasons we have a system known as the government at all. yeah the police did arrive to sort things out that night, but they showed up about an hour late.
moreover when i tried to get through to at least apologize to my friend for what had happened i got fed the exact same shit id been getting from the party-crashing jocks by some powerless cop in charge of crowd control. i told him to fuck off and went back to my car. once i'd gotten in the car he yelled something about stopping, so i removed the car keys stepped out of the car and sat lotus position under a tree.
he asked some stupid question about why i would return to the scene of the crime. my response was "i dunno... loyalty."
it was moments like these that stuck in my head as crowning examples of how senseless most of the ignorant suffering is on this planet. around my neighborhood people blind themselves to it with luxury suv's and high paying jobs and a wife to fuck and/or cheat on and a million other creature comforts but it's still suffering. they just prolong it by waiting til they're old and decrepit.
it took a lot to get out of my pit of hatred and self-loathing but what might have pulled me out was a conversation with a woman i regard as very wise.
she told me that the only was to break the spell that these people live their lives under is to SEE THE LUNACY... and laugh!
so fucking true!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION #3
a moment's respite in the battle to preserve a thing of beauty. to promote music, love, spontaneous friendship, crystallize a moment in people's hearts and minds. live forever in a night, right?
WRONG. though we might have scared off the first wave of teenyboppers, a term that will henceforth encompass every single high school bitch, buck or un-cool person there, be they mr. italian sunglasses -"i'm just here to party" - or mr. i'm young black and on the football team - "i'm just here to party" - or young slightly drunk girl wearing clothes nearly identical to every other party-going slut - "i'm just here to party" - THEY WERE COMING BACK IN HORDES. and whoever they were they all thought that they were entitled to be there, a fact i contested on all counts... they also thought that they could somehow cheat the pretty simple PAY FIVE DOLLARS-GET IN-PARTY YOUR HEART OUT system by saying something like aw come on man you tryna cheat a brother or some other cheap shit line.
by this time jo- was back along with our punk rock friend to be known only as MICHEAL-FUCK-YOU-UP-JONES or Mfyuj. jo- was as displeased with the situation as i was, only he bore the burden of the property getting fucked up. as such he took it upon himself to stand by the door and not admit anyone else. this prompted numerous kids to try and run around the side or enter through the neighbor's yard or a million other shyster fucking tricks. and there were just too many to handle, all of them getting agro because they thought it was a personal thing.... it's not... really!
a turning point may have occurred when a giant crew of guys (new wave, not part of the previous crew) ascended the stairs all looking fresh and all hoping to get in and get their dicks' wet i'm sure.
aside: now you can lament this language here or you can acknowledge a fact that i've tried to get across to almost everyone a know... that at ages 16 thru an undefined age i haven't reached yet the two dominant male impulses are to FIGHT and FUCK. a travesty yes, but human nature unless tamed!
now these guys were all much bigger than me and they were all pushing past me and a few friends. until they encountered the door which a few of them got through but most of them didn't. a friend's band was playing right then layering the atmosphere with heavy sludge metal. sadly, most people didn't give a fuck about the music, so the only real effect it had was to add more agro to these idiots' already pretty heavy blend of anger and alcohol.
the door was closed but Mfyuj was there to guard it. as he later explained to me, he was on ecstasy which combined with his life experience allowed him to laugh in the face of the idiot band of assholes. as the language exchanged began to sharpen to the tune of "let us in you fucky fucks!" he charged in swinging wildly at the horde of broes. in a completely unexpected turn of events, a beer bottle was chucked at his head, smashing instead against the side of the house. another friend took this as a cue to smash one of broes' face in.
the party had become a riot.
i watched all this commence with a slightly detached attitude, as is my wont. i can't possibly claim that the unfolding events didn't picque my anger, however. what i was watching was the heroic climax of my summer turn into a completely random and meaningless tragedy. rather than beautiful uselessness the night was becoming violent nothingness.
i started walking around the house telling people to leave. a better translation of what i said would have been "stick around if you want to get busted by the cops you dumbfucks".
a short list of events i witnessed or heard about later:
i made a grave mistake to grab a can of bear mace i'd stowed in my friend's room and bring it out to the front porch as a deterrence mechanism. the mob was still assembled and still angry. dropping the can i picked it up saying something to the effect of "oh shit it's a can of bear mace better fuck off!!" as i remember it now an italian motherfucker who'd gotten his feelings hurt was taking a stand on the porch saying something to the effect of "i'm just gonna hang out on this chill porch". hm, duplicity. i told him to fuck off and as he left he kicked over a statuette, breaking it. as this was happening a kid who had been lurking behind me, ran up, grabbed my bear mace and took off.
i'd lost control.
addressing the statue kicker i screamed "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU PIECE OF SHIT??" suddenly one of his much bigger buddies ran up and pushed me to the floor of the deck. to be honest, this was the first time i'd ever been in what might be termed a fight and rather than lengthen it i got up and walked away. i grabbed the backpack that i'd brought all my shit in and took off with tim and mo-.
we walked briskly to a friend's house down the way where some people were reconvening enduring one passing car that threatened to beat the shit out of us.
i lit a cigarette.
WRONG. though we might have scared off the first wave of teenyboppers, a term that will henceforth encompass every single high school bitch, buck or un-cool person there, be they mr. italian sunglasses -"i'm just here to party" - or mr. i'm young black and on the football team - "i'm just here to party" - or young slightly drunk girl wearing clothes nearly identical to every other party-going slut - "i'm just here to party" - THEY WERE COMING BACK IN HORDES. and whoever they were they all thought that they were entitled to be there, a fact i contested on all counts... they also thought that they could somehow cheat the pretty simple PAY FIVE DOLLARS-GET IN-PARTY YOUR HEART OUT system by saying something like aw come on man you tryna cheat a brother or some other cheap shit line.
by this time jo- was back along with our punk rock friend to be known only as MICHEAL-FUCK-YOU-UP-JONES or Mfyuj. jo- was as displeased with the situation as i was, only he bore the burden of the property getting fucked up. as such he took it upon himself to stand by the door and not admit anyone else. this prompted numerous kids to try and run around the side or enter through the neighbor's yard or a million other shyster fucking tricks. and there were just too many to handle, all of them getting agro because they thought it was a personal thing.... it's not... really!
a turning point may have occurred when a giant crew of guys (new wave, not part of the previous crew) ascended the stairs all looking fresh and all hoping to get in and get their dicks' wet i'm sure.
aside: now you can lament this language here or you can acknowledge a fact that i've tried to get across to almost everyone a know... that at ages 16 thru an undefined age i haven't reached yet the two dominant male impulses are to FIGHT and FUCK. a travesty yes, but human nature unless tamed!
now these guys were all much bigger than me and they were all pushing past me and a few friends. until they encountered the door which a few of them got through but most of them didn't. a friend's band was playing right then layering the atmosphere with heavy sludge metal. sadly, most people didn't give a fuck about the music, so the only real effect it had was to add more agro to these idiots' already pretty heavy blend of anger and alcohol.
the door was closed but Mfyuj was there to guard it. as he later explained to me, he was on ecstasy which combined with his life experience allowed him to laugh in the face of the idiot band of assholes. as the language exchanged began to sharpen to the tune of "let us in you fucky fucks!" he charged in swinging wildly at the horde of broes. in a completely unexpected turn of events, a beer bottle was chucked at his head, smashing instead against the side of the house. another friend took this as a cue to smash one of broes' face in.
the party had become a riot.
i watched all this commence with a slightly detached attitude, as is my wont. i can't possibly claim that the unfolding events didn't picque my anger, however. what i was watching was the heroic climax of my summer turn into a completely random and meaningless tragedy. rather than beautiful uselessness the night was becoming violent nothingness.
i started walking around the house telling people to leave. a better translation of what i said would have been "stick around if you want to get busted by the cops you dumbfucks".
a short list of events i witnessed or heard about later:
- bike stolen
- multiple cars damaged. i heard alarms going off what seemed to be blocks away from the where our little riot was unfolding
- someone attempted to pick up my friend's cat and hurl it. the cat narrowly escaped.
- jo-, the houseowner, was tackled in his backyard by a pair of strangers who proceeded to attempt strangulation. tim intervened and threw one of the kids off. a bottle of vodka was then hurled at jo-'s chest, subsequently exploding.
- a girl started vomiting all over the computers, then collapsed in it.
i made a grave mistake to grab a can of bear mace i'd stowed in my friend's room and bring it out to the front porch as a deterrence mechanism. the mob was still assembled and still angry. dropping the can i picked it up saying something to the effect of "oh shit it's a can of bear mace better fuck off!!" as i remember it now an italian motherfucker who'd gotten his feelings hurt was taking a stand on the porch saying something to the effect of "i'm just gonna hang out on this chill porch". hm, duplicity. i told him to fuck off and as he left he kicked over a statuette, breaking it. as this was happening a kid who had been lurking behind me, ran up, grabbed my bear mace and took off.
i'd lost control.
addressing the statue kicker i screamed "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU PIECE OF SHIT??" suddenly one of his much bigger buddies ran up and pushed me to the floor of the deck. to be honest, this was the first time i'd ever been in what might be termed a fight and rather than lengthen it i got up and walked away. i grabbed the backpack that i'd brought all my shit in and took off with tim and mo-.
we walked briskly to a friend's house down the way where some people were reconvening enduring one passing car that threatened to beat the shit out of us.
i lit a cigarette.
DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION #2
we were at chipotle. here it might be mentioned that my current articles of dress consisted of skintight black jeans, a cowboy vest and a headband to tie back my dreadlocks. i mention this because i stood in stark contrast to virtually everyone around me, a fact that would persist throughout the night. my interpretation of the clothing situation was that if you want to be a rock star you might as well dress like one.
i ate a veggie burrito... up to this point my appetite had waned tremendously on account of serious nerves. despite my best effort to just calm down a bit anticipation really was getting to me. i had, after all, structured this show both mentally and otherwise as the climax to the summer. without a job or any other source of structure in my life it was helpful to at least apply this artificial plotline to things so as to keep it interesting...
i anticipated mania and glee and passion and free love and i had a pocket full of condoms meant to be spent in the most beautifully useless way ever. truthfully, my last sexual encounter was so far out of memory as to be irrelevant, and i was horny as fuck.
we picked up some friends at the metro, then picked up some speakers from a friend's house that would be part of a dj set later. we then drove back to jo-'s house. i parked my car around the bend and walked back to the porch where i sat with the door crew hoping to just bullshit a bit and ease the nerves involved in playing live music. jo- left in his own car to go get a few cases of beer which sort of left me with the unspoken responsibility of making sure things didn't get stupid while he was gone. this didn't strike me as an overly difficult assignment.
however, where i'd left the party in a state of unconcerned tranquility things seeming to proceed as they ought to be, i noticed, upon return, a complete schism between the guests who had been invited by the band and i and those who were au-'s "friends" (quotation marks added because as it occurs to me they all seemed to have gotten wind of the party from someone else). no real intermingling occurred between the two tribes, one might say there was a general suspicion. when my friend went around looking to see if he could borrow a laptop for his dj set i got asked whether the dude was a scammer. well.... no.
what presented a giant problem is that more and more of these kids were showing up, and more and more of them appeared to have consumed some quantity of alcohol prior to arriving. a lot of them hadn't heard at all about the cover charge and attempted to skirt around it. a lot of them were hanging out on the street and in front of the house and in the neighbor's fucking lawn attracting a lot of fucking attention.
i took it upon myself to make the rounds and tell people to get inside and that there would be music soon just don't act like assholes and don't get this thing busted... alright? none of them really got it...
i can distinctly recall one asshole dumbing about on his phone telling me that it "didn't really make sense" that if the alcohol hadn't yet arrived, he should float five fucking dollars. my response was something akin to that's not my fuckin problem kid.
one thing that should be known about where i live is that it's loaded with wealth. a turn of phrase i used to justify the five dollar cover charge earlier in the evening was the around here people farted five bucks. and it's true... unfortunately that doesn't make them any less stupid.
things were getting out of hand. the owner of the house wasn't there. kids were starting to act dumb. the party was going to be a bust. this was when my friend tim had the bright idea to scream COPS.
sure enough they ran for the hills. the number of attendees was now minus forty something.
MORE IN PART THREE
i ate a veggie burrito... up to this point my appetite had waned tremendously on account of serious nerves. despite my best effort to just calm down a bit anticipation really was getting to me. i had, after all, structured this show both mentally and otherwise as the climax to the summer. without a job or any other source of structure in my life it was helpful to at least apply this artificial plotline to things so as to keep it interesting...
i anticipated mania and glee and passion and free love and i had a pocket full of condoms meant to be spent in the most beautifully useless way ever. truthfully, my last sexual encounter was so far out of memory as to be irrelevant, and i was horny as fuck.
we picked up some friends at the metro, then picked up some speakers from a friend's house that would be part of a dj set later. we then drove back to jo-'s house. i parked my car around the bend and walked back to the porch where i sat with the door crew hoping to just bullshit a bit and ease the nerves involved in playing live music. jo- left in his own car to go get a few cases of beer which sort of left me with the unspoken responsibility of making sure things didn't get stupid while he was gone. this didn't strike me as an overly difficult assignment.
however, where i'd left the party in a state of unconcerned tranquility things seeming to proceed as they ought to be, i noticed, upon return, a complete schism between the guests who had been invited by the band and i and those who were au-'s "friends" (quotation marks added because as it occurs to me they all seemed to have gotten wind of the party from someone else). no real intermingling occurred between the two tribes, one might say there was a general suspicion. when my friend went around looking to see if he could borrow a laptop for his dj set i got asked whether the dude was a scammer. well.... no.
what presented a giant problem is that more and more of these kids were showing up, and more and more of them appeared to have consumed some quantity of alcohol prior to arriving. a lot of them hadn't heard at all about the cover charge and attempted to skirt around it. a lot of them were hanging out on the street and in front of the house and in the neighbor's fucking lawn attracting a lot of fucking attention.
i took it upon myself to make the rounds and tell people to get inside and that there would be music soon just don't act like assholes and don't get this thing busted... alright? none of them really got it...
i can distinctly recall one asshole dumbing about on his phone telling me that it "didn't really make sense" that if the alcohol hadn't yet arrived, he should float five fucking dollars. my response was something akin to that's not my fuckin problem kid.
one thing that should be known about where i live is that it's loaded with wealth. a turn of phrase i used to justify the five dollar cover charge earlier in the evening was the around here people farted five bucks. and it's true... unfortunately that doesn't make them any less stupid.
things were getting out of hand. the owner of the house wasn't there. kids were starting to act dumb. the party was going to be a bust. this was when my friend tim had the bright idea to scream COPS.
sure enough they ran for the hills. the number of attendees was now minus forty something.
MORE IN PART THREE
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION #1
this party i'd envisioned was what might be termed the "perfect teenage moment". working with my band all summer i'd had two goals : record an EP and play a house show, and i'd be damned if this house show wasn't the most bitchin party ever thrown this side of Aztlán.
for the three preceding weeks things seemed to unroll with almost fate like precision... my parents were getting out of town exactly the weekend that would set the stage for the ENDOFSUMMA HOUSE SHOW... mother decided to stay behind... hoping and praying on my part she appeared ready to leave... she stayed behind again... another friend's house opened up... tuesday night it would be... guest list was set... everyone was hyped... little to nothing could ruin the first gig that i'd ever play.
there was a small earthquake that became the news story of the day, the day of the party. to my facebook status reading "can you feel the excitement" was added "EVEN THE GROUND BENEATH MY FEET WANTS TO PARTY". in an ironic name change our facebook event name became AFTERSHOCK 2011.
i showed up at friend's house at four to start rehearsing with the band and quick quick quickly our material was spot on. slight change-ups in our setlist amounted to some frustration but this was resolved sitting outside for a smoke. here another issue which hadnt really hit the forefront of my mind became evident. the friend, jo-, who was letting us use his house, had a little brother, au-, entering his senior year of high school, who had scheduled "his" party for the same date.
a conflict of interests was becoming apparent.
his regulation for getting in was some of the most discriminatory bullshit i'd ever heard... "booze, bitches or bud". my regulation was simple, capitalist and take-no-shit... five bucks. this would pay for alcohol and a little reimbursement for the performers. it was evident that a roundtable discussion was necessary, so i beckoned that au- and his friends, who were all stoned as gourds, join us outside for a meeting of the minds.
though it took some convincing on my part, my endeavor to elevate the boy's mind above his childish high school mindset was successful, partially on account of a chance phone call from my friend, mo-, which confirmed that his rapper friend would show up and do a bit. he'd also be bringing a boatload of weed.
we went out to grab burritos and pick up some friends as the first guests showed up, paid their five bucks, and walked in. as evidenced by the clearly cheerful nature of the guests, everything was going according to plan...
MORE IN PART TWO
for the three preceding weeks things seemed to unroll with almost fate like precision... my parents were getting out of town exactly the weekend that would set the stage for the ENDOFSUMMA HOUSE SHOW... mother decided to stay behind... hoping and praying on my part she appeared ready to leave... she stayed behind again... another friend's house opened up... tuesday night it would be... guest list was set... everyone was hyped... little to nothing could ruin the first gig that i'd ever play.
there was a small earthquake that became the news story of the day, the day of the party. to my facebook status reading "can you feel the excitement" was added "EVEN THE GROUND BENEATH MY FEET WANTS TO PARTY". in an ironic name change our facebook event name became AFTERSHOCK 2011.
i showed up at friend's house at four to start rehearsing with the band and quick quick quickly our material was spot on. slight change-ups in our setlist amounted to some frustration but this was resolved sitting outside for a smoke. here another issue which hadnt really hit the forefront of my mind became evident. the friend, jo-, who was letting us use his house, had a little brother, au-, entering his senior year of high school, who had scheduled "his" party for the same date.
a conflict of interests was becoming apparent.
his regulation for getting in was some of the most discriminatory bullshit i'd ever heard... "booze, bitches or bud". my regulation was simple, capitalist and take-no-shit... five bucks. this would pay for alcohol and a little reimbursement for the performers. it was evident that a roundtable discussion was necessary, so i beckoned that au- and his friends, who were all stoned as gourds, join us outside for a meeting of the minds.
though it took some convincing on my part, my endeavor to elevate the boy's mind above his childish high school mindset was successful, partially on account of a chance phone call from my friend, mo-, which confirmed that his rapper friend would show up and do a bit. he'd also be bringing a boatload of weed.
we went out to grab burritos and pick up some friends as the first guests showed up, paid their five bucks, and walked in. as evidenced by the clearly cheerful nature of the guests, everything was going according to plan...
MORE IN PART TWO
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
ZENARKS1
my life revolves around cycles of marijuana, ecstasy, acid and cocaine that were opened up for me by the little black man that visits my room every night. he stays for short periods. then leaves. occasionally he drops a freestyle rhyme. my favorite thing about him is that he's a warrior too. he just uses his words to do battle.
ive gotten a bad rap for my "drug habits". the truth is drugs are only a gateway for greater understanding of the world around and always have been. the truth is... the only habit i keep is a pact i keep with myself to never have a habit. Never do something subconsciously without a decided forethought. one which keeps my attention focused on the future and keeps the future in my hand. not that of any institution.
i was invited to a moustache and cleavage party this thursday. i'll probably find a girl there and do lines off her tits. maybe she'll wanna do the same off my chest. egalitarianism. it's the way of the future. after that we very well might fuck. if we do i hope she wants me as bad as i'll want her.
last saturday we hung around U Street rolled as a couple ball bearings smoking weed outside the clubs. they wouldn't let us in so we puzzled over why they exist at all. our girls walked in fronting a twenty dollar cover charge only to stroll back out finding us at the front of the line bullshitting with the man who stood guard and made sure no one wore shorts or any such things. young professionals can be entertaining in their dedication.
we ended up getting back to embassy row and spending the night in a friend's appartment. our girls were butterflies and it was mentioned a couple times we might be back in the 60s.
who the fuck knows?
this is my life
ive gotten a bad rap for my "drug habits". the truth is drugs are only a gateway for greater understanding of the world around and always have been. the truth is... the only habit i keep is a pact i keep with myself to never have a habit. Never do something subconsciously without a decided forethought. one which keeps my attention focused on the future and keeps the future in my hand. not that of any institution.
i was invited to a moustache and cleavage party this thursday. i'll probably find a girl there and do lines off her tits. maybe she'll wanna do the same off my chest. egalitarianism. it's the way of the future. after that we very well might fuck. if we do i hope she wants me as bad as i'll want her.
last saturday we hung around U Street rolled as a couple ball bearings smoking weed outside the clubs. they wouldn't let us in so we puzzled over why they exist at all. our girls walked in fronting a twenty dollar cover charge only to stroll back out finding us at the front of the line bullshitting with the man who stood guard and made sure no one wore shorts or any such things. young professionals can be entertaining in their dedication.
we ended up getting back to embassy row and spending the night in a friend's appartment. our girls were butterflies and it was mentioned a couple times we might be back in the 60s.
who the fuck knows?
this is my life
Saturday, August 13, 2011
EXPANSION #1
EXPANSION #1
those night creatures creatures of darkness creatures of light
it's all the same seen in the right light
we sacrificed our dignity for a piece of the pie
we sacrificed our souls for the love of the dime
so a few INDIVIDUALS stood out the most
for not giving a shit about what mattered least
really and truly and truly and really
i don't care if you're barack obama or lady gaga
prove you're worth something
those night creatures creatures of darkness creatures of light
it's all the same seen in the right light
we sacrificed our dignity for a piece of the pie
we sacrificed our souls for the love of the dime
so a few INDIVIDUALS stood out the most
for not giving a shit about what mattered least
really and truly and truly and really
i don't care if you're barack obama or lady gaga
prove you're worth something
Friday, August 12, 2011
zenarchist creed
LAND OF THE LIVING DEAD
it was thought that an idea might elevate their minds to a higher plane of consciousness. an idea not yet hatched. not yet latched onto by the larval threads of their psyche. but unfortunately the idea had not yet come.
to others it was obvious. it always had been. always would be. something or another written a thousand years previous. a thousand years since.
to others still it was a laugh. that anything that the mind could conceive would be a better fate than the one they themselves had constructed with their own brains and wits and fate and laughter.
and yet of the tribes mentioned… rarely did they intermingle. only passing glances shot fearfully in the dark. occasionally a word spoken in dark sarcastic glistening fury, for that was the only language they knew how to speak.
that of death.
but a few emerged from the wasteland with tales to tell and lives to live. never once did this select group of adventurers pause to ponder whether their path was the "right" one. never once did they stop to think at all.
their cult was that of Zenarchy.
absolute freedom of the mind paired with absolute freedom of the body paired with absolute awareness of one's actions paired with an absolute hilarious disregard for rules and regulations.
their cult was that of Absolutism
and so they walked…
surviving…
while the others walked…
slowly dying…
the stories that here have been accumulated serve one purpose and one purpose alone :::::
TO ENLIGHTEN THE WAY FOR OTHER LOST SOULS ::::
it was thought that an idea might elevate their minds to a higher plane of consciousness. an idea not yet hatched. not yet latched onto by the larval threads of their psyche. but unfortunately the idea had not yet come.
to others it was obvious. it always had been. always would be. something or another written a thousand years previous. a thousand years since.
to others still it was a laugh. that anything that the mind could conceive would be a better fate than the one they themselves had constructed with their own brains and wits and fate and laughter.
and yet of the tribes mentioned… rarely did they intermingle. only passing glances shot fearfully in the dark. occasionally a word spoken in dark sarcastic glistening fury, for that was the only language they knew how to speak.
that of death.
but a few emerged from the wasteland with tales to tell and lives to live. never once did this select group of adventurers pause to ponder whether their path was the "right" one. never once did they stop to think at all.
their cult was that of Zenarchy.
absolute freedom of the mind paired with absolute freedom of the body paired with absolute awareness of one's actions paired with an absolute hilarious disregard for rules and regulations.
their cult was that of Absolutism
and so they walked…
surviving…
while the others walked…
slowly dying…
the stories that here have been accumulated serve one purpose and one purpose alone :::::
TO ENLIGHTEN THE WAY FOR OTHER LOST SOULS ::::
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